So as I sit here, exhausted on a Monday. I confess that it is hard to be here right now. As I was getting ready for bed last night, I confessed to God my desire to go "home" I said. I said "I don't want to be here. I want to go home."
God's response to me this morning was Mark 8: 34-37 New Life Version.
Giving Up Self And One's Own Desires
34 Jesus called the people and His followers to Him. He said to them, "If anyone wants to be My follower, he must give up himself and his own desires. He must take up his cross and follow Me. 35 If anyone wants to keep his own life safe, he will lose it. If anyone gives up his life because of Me and because of the Good News, he will save it. 36 For what does a man have if he gets all the world and loses his own soul? 37 What can a man give to buy back his soul?

My translation, which I can't remember off the top of my head, said to give up himself and what he wants.

Obviously I know now is not the time to leave, but life here is wearing on me. I am tired of so much hate, so much meanness, so much corruption, so much gossip, so much lack of initiative, so much focus on only this moment and the mentality that tomorrow doesn't exist.
There are many wonderful things about this place as well. If you've been following me in my adventures here, you should know them already. My favorite being the relationship focus of the culture. But I feel a heaviness that I haven't felt before. It could be after 4 years, the attitudes of Carnival - a time when spiritual attack is high - is wearing on me. Please pray for me.